26 February 2012

deep and desperate

I just need to get this out of my head -- so I can focus on all the other things I need to finish.

It's been a year since we became "friends" and we'd already had two episodes. It's just recently that I realized that I have developed feelings for you. Or maybe it was because I heard you were finally single that I admitted it to myself. I guess I should've asked for your confirmation first before I had gone and let myself go. What am I going to do with these feelings now that you've told me that you were not yet single. I'm tired of playing the waiting game because I couldn't seem to catch a break. But I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve this time -- it's not strong enough for that yet.

Oh hell. Protect me from what I want.

25 February 2012

out and about

I have been swamped with family, work, studies and most of all, drama the past two weeks. Thankfully, today, I had time to breathe and go out with my two college buddies to go to the theater. I had second thoughts about going out since I have so much work to catch up on but I went anyway. We watched Leading Ladies at Onstage in Greenbelt and it was hilarious. The show is on until next week and you should go see it! I'm so happy that I get to watch stage plays because they are such an out of the ordinary experience -- not your typical movie night.

Speaking of extraordinary, a week ago, I had the chance to watch Mamma Mia at CCP! I loved it so much. It was unfortunate that I didn't get to snap a photo of my outfit that night -- I felt so sophisticated and cultured. Haha. The only remembrance I got for the night are the tickets! Anyway, it was doubly fun because watching the show crosses off another item in my bucket list. Oh joy!


16 February 2012

to know unconditional love

My dog died today. I remember looking into her eyes yesterday,asking her to get better. I think she already knew. I wish she'd held on for me.

I wish she felt from me what I felt from her.

I don't know if I would have felt better if I'd seen her as she passed. Maybe it was good that I didn't.

I'm not ready. I just can't... :'(

Vienna at 3 months


<3, dee

14 February 2012

01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101

Not to come off a bitter but I've always believed that Valentine's day is a pointless "holiday", exaggerated by advertisements for the profitability of capitalist. It is a highly commercial day when people spent loads of money for gifts that die or expire easily.

In my 25 years of existence, I have never had a valentine. Even worse, my ex boyfriend and I broke up on Feb 14 last year. Imagine us ending our relationship amid a sea of doe eyed couples. Just perfect. 

But this year, I feel indifferent. I mean, to each his own. I don't have any other words for it. But for those who relish this day, here's an awesome representation of what you're celebrating. I hope you have a good day!

cover artwork of the book Strange Attractors -- Poems of Love and Mathematics
Binary Heart : Love is either a Yes or a No :)

Leaving you with a poem from the book, entitled Counting by Philip Larkin

Thinking in terms of one
Is easily done --
One room, one bed, one chair,
One person there,
Makes perfect sense; one set
Of wishes can be met,
One coffin filled.

But counting up to two
Is harder to do;
For one must be denied
Before it'd tried.

<3, dee



of backpacks and baggages

Yesterday, I went to climb Mt. Pinatubo with the couple who took us in while we were in Netherlands. It was my first time to go and I was quite excited because I've seen picture of the crater and it looked amazing.

We left home at 3 o'clock in the morning and reached the jump off in Capas, Tarlac before 8 am. Because the "skyway" was destroyed by Ondoy back in 2009, the 4x4 ride was only for an hour, and we had to trek for two more hours to reach the crater. But boy, the exercise was so worth it. The crater lake took my breath away. Never mind that the wind was cool and strong and I was wearing a dri-fit shirt, I felt so warm and tingly as I took a mental snap shot. I haven't gotten a copy of our pictures so the snapshots will have to remain in my head for now.

More than the crater, what I loved most from my Pinatubo trip was this segment of river that had a bed of red rocks. The first time I saw it as we rounded a corner, I immediately thought: blood -- in the good sense, though. It looked like flowing blood, so graceful in it's fluidity, so regal in the color. And it brought out the poet in me.

In the arena that is alive
with the clouds so divine
dost thou take away
your breath, nay, mine.

As the water hums
with the whisper of the wind,
the river bleeds red
for a heart ready to mend.

Tomorrow will return,
heavy albeit small.
Because I didn't want that,
I wanted it all.


<3, dee

11 February 2012

dots and stripes

It's errand day today! :) And also nail grooming day! I had to skip on the polish to let my nails rest a while, plus my new company is a bit conservative and discourages loud polishes. Still, one of the simple joys in life is having very very very clean nails.

Speaking of my new job, yesterday was my 8th day and so far, it's been fun! I'm so lucky to have my training group mates because we are so in sync with the things that matter. It's so weird because there are times when I keep thinking that I have already met the two of them sometime in the past. They seem so familiar but I cannot figure out when or where I met them or who they remind me of. I told one of them that I feel deja vu-ish with him and he said, "If you're having deja vus, then it means you're on the right track". And I would like to believe so. This year started so right, I hope it goes on well. :)

Anyway, errand outfit!

Top - Terranova
Skirt - Dorothy Perkins (they're culottes with pockets, FTW!)
Belt - Gene Gozum

Happy Weekend!

<3, dee


05 February 2012

pressure builds

Will there ever come a time in our life when we stop feeling pressure? In our work, in our lives, from our parents, from our peers, from society, and from ourselves?

:'|

purple rain

It seems I am attracted to the color purple these past few months. Last month alone, I think I have bought or worn 4 purple items of clothing.

I wore purple to work on Friday. My new company doesn't really have "casual" Fridays so I didn't want to wear jeans. So I wore the new dress I bought from Promod the other week. It's a knit dress and it made me warmer than usual, which I loved because it was really cold in my seat at the office. 
Dress - Promod
Cardigan - Landmark
Belt - Gene Gozum
Shoes - Twinky

01 February 2012

hope helps

Yesterday, I finally had my license renewed. I was supposed to do it last Friday but LTO couldn't connect to their servers so the system was down, NATIONWIDE. I went back a day after my birthday, because of course I didn't want to spend my birthday doing errands. I got it renewed and paid an extra Php75 as penalty for late renewal. I was so pissed off because it was partly their fault that I had to come back today and not finish it last Friday as planned. I asked the cashier about this and this was how our conversation went:

     D: Wala po ba kayong consideration dahil nasa application for renewal ko naman po, January 27, pati medical po nung Friday natapos na.
     C: Nasa system na kasi yun. Basta late may penalty.
     D: Pero di ba kayo naman po may kasalanan bakit hindi na-process nung 27. Kasi down ang connection.
     C: (very defensively) Hindi ako ang may kasalanan, ha!
     D: Ah. O sige po, kasalanan ng LTO...
     C: Dapat kahapon ka nagpa-renew.
     D: Kasi po birthday ko kahapon, may plans po ako. Kasi nga po dapat nung 27 pa tapos.

And she scolds me, saying that I could renew my license at least 60 days (not sure) before it expires. I was angry, not because of the measly fee. I thought about how this incompetency affects the working class -- who has to sacrifice leaves, or worse a whole day's pay to take care of this things, and how we cannot do anything about it. And what about the fact that out of all the arguments I was saying, she picks up on the "kayo naman po may kasalanan" and defends herself? Shouldn't employees, both in government or private sector, be representatives of their organization, even just from 8am to 5pm?

I looked around the place to see if there was a hotline to call or an address to send a complaint to but there was none, and that made me even more frustrated. Sometimes, when we are unsatisfied with the product or service we get, it really is a big thing to have an outlet (preferably a branch manager, direct hotlines, etc) where you can give feedback to. There may be no guarantee that this complaint will be heard, much less acted upon, but at least a message that it is not tolerated was sent. I think that's one problem our nation has: we are so tolerant, so understanding that we become complacent and just take things as it is. But who can blame us? Who would want to frustrate themselves over things they know they have no power to change? I do. I hope you do. I believe we do. Because even if we complain day in and day out, I know lots of people still love this nation so much. And so we care about it. And so we hope. :)

I'm glad I wore this outfit yesterday, brightened up my mood immediately. :D

Top - F&H (very old, used to have puff sleeves but I ripped them out because they turned my arms into sausages)
Cardigan - gifted from Australia
Pants - F&H (i think they are men's pants)
Shoes - Keds (teal wedges!)

I love those shoes to death because it's so comfy to move in and it has waded with me through the thigh high flood along Espana to Taft (from Algeciras to Pedro Gil) during Falcon's heavy downpour (June 23, 2011). I had it thoroughly washed after that with lots of water and detergent, and it's still in one piece! The (half) price I bought it for was totally worth it!


Oh, it's the first day of my new work today! But I'm too sleepy to talk about it, so...

Later! :)

<3, dee